This weeks color forecast, A lovely shade of yellow

My old oncologist refused me when I asked for bloodwork at my last visit. He only does it prior to chemo treatment and since I was once again the dunce in the corner wearing the cone shaped “ Resistant” hat, he was having none of this . My goal was to send it on to another clinic for a tele conferance. Its an onnovative clinic so naturally, this fool balked.
Paying him no heed, I went to my  general practice doctors the next day, explained to the nurse why I wanted the test and behold! I was tested. Went home and looked in the mirror. Is that yellowing in my eyes? No! No! No!
My doctor called just then. My bilirubin had doubled and she wondered if I was jaundiced, nauseated, feverish, in pain, etc. Mercifully I was heading to Madison the next day and other than jaundice, I was still standing.
Next day, it was worse but the dr. thought it was fixable. I had to get ultrasound and then a stent in my bile duct. I went home thinking, “Finally!Something going smoothly!” I know, this does not sound “smooth”, but for me, every problem I have is unfixable so the fact that this was a somewhat easy fix was nice.
Except......it isnt going to be. Jokes on me. Ultrasound was not helpful.The usual naysayers nixed the stent. Then my Madison dr. discussed with his own people. Number 1= theres no help. No.s 2 and 3.... “medium” chance of success, but with a permanent drain, not a stent.
And if not?

I am in liver failure. It will be only a few weeks before I pass if this doesnt work. I will be referred to hospice. It will be over...not from cancer, but from its complications.

So thats where its at now. I had a major panic attack last night and went to the emergency room. I was lucky in that the team was very caring, gentle and reminded me to have hope. Its easy to forget.



Comments

  1. Oh my, Linda. I feel your anguish. One of my concerns with diabetes, is not dying from a low blood sugar, but more from the complications which can develop, the longer you have it. Kidney failure is a biggie. Dialysis is the treatment. So my hope is you can get what you need for your liver to continue functioning. Can you do a detox diet, to help your liver, or wouldn't that help much at this point? I've been praying for you, but now I have something more specific to focus on.

    Remember though, there are deceptions which want to trip up our faith. Things which look so troublesome, we cannot see a way forward. I will pray for the Lord's supernatural presence and strength to be around you, so the deceptions will fall away from you. May your eyes become like vessels of light, to amaze those who thought there was ever, a sign of disease. Be filled with the Lord's grace, my friend. For he desires you to be well, and hopeful in the spirit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to hear from you as always my dear friend. ❤️❤️❤️
      Those are powerful words and prayers. Yes, please do! i have felt very cursed. Very foiled at each turn. In January, all my tumors had died. And now they awoke again. Its been very cruel, this journey.
      As to detox, very good question. The bile duct helps with that so if they are blocked, the toxins just pour into my liver at the moment. I was wondering how I can rebuild my liver with a drain afterwards too. I will ask as the duct remains obstructed.
      I hope you never ever ever get to the point of organ failure Chris but if you do, I know you will turn to God. Stay well.

      Delete
    2. "Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isiah 41:10

      The beauty and power of God, is being made strong in weakness. Which is why it's good for me to pray for God's right hand, to uphold you through the spirit. Because I know he upholds me, every day of my life, as well. "...surely I will help you!"

      We are not alone, Linda. Not even when the deceptions of this world, attempt to rob us of what is good in God's eyes. We must not however, look so anxiously about us, as if God cannot restore what he pleases. This has been key for me lately, because I have felt the temptation to despair for what is upon the world. It does feel like a curse, doesn't it? And then when your health fails, surely, that feels like the last straw!

      Yet God is full of mercies and miracles - that even when all is set against us, God can restore. We must let go of our concerns and trust in God, however. For that is the only true freedom in this world, Linda. Letting go of the things mankind desires, and giving it to the divine Spirit of God. May he reveal truth and understanding for you to be comforted by, in the days ahead, my friend. xxx

      Delete
    3. Thank you Chris. I need the reminder and the prayers. I know you are right. I have wanted to come back to tell you that after you posted, a driver from a volunteer service I used to get to an appointment once called out of the blue. He is very Born Again and said that God put me in his thoughts so he was calling before heading out with friends to do things. I explained what has been happening, he then put me on hold, gathered his friends and asked if they could pray for me. I said yes. And wow. They sure prayed. one confirmed something...he felt compelled to tell me that there was an angel with a sword at my side. He was going to cut the cancer out. Well, St. Michael is my chosen patron saint. And he weilds a sword against demons. At anyrate between you, Sue and This plus one other odd incident, I feel that my faith is restored, if not my health. I’m very grounded to the earth and its hard for me to let go into spirit sometimes,
      especially after feeling so persecuted. I will write this prayer down and use it often. Thank you my dear friend.

      Delete
    4. That was a blessed prayer and vision to share with you - and then, later again, sharing it with me. Perfect timing. I needed to hear that, so thank you. Because I'm heartened to learn, there are still souls, who listen to God's inspiration, and then reach out to others. The world likes to convince us that we're trapped in this endless loop of defeat, and bad news. But then God finds a way to remind us, why he is the divine spirit. So we grow in the spirit, and he helps us overcome. I too, am very grounded (it's the logical side of my brain!) but God has patience to teach me, what it is I need to know. He helps me take the next step, into the unknown, but trusting completely, it's the right step to take. I'm so very happy for you, my blessed friend. We are both learning and growing. We are not alone. Thank you for sharing your journey. :)

      Delete
  2. Oh Linda... reading this I wonder how you cope at all.. And no wonder a panic attack... I hold you in my heart and prayers all the time.. And you constantly pop into my thoughts... I hope that they sort out what treatment will help you the best Linda..
    I have to say what Chris said to you was indeed very powerful.. at least you have two of us here dear Linda Praying as hard as we can for your health and well being..
    Sending continued energy.. Love and Blessings.. Love and MORE LOVE.. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dont cope. I watch tv. its about all I can manage to do anymore. I dont have the stamina or strength for alot of things that I liked doing.
      Chris and you are wise old souls. I have very old dear friends and my sister in California. My daughters coming around. And my mom,. my chicago friends. And my neighbor. But I feel that I have to be strong for everybody else whereas you Sue, have been holding me up, as has Chris. One day you may meet my friend Teresa too. Its all about distance of course. Teresa is in another state. Seems closer people are uninterested. Oh well.

      Delete
    2. I'm so glad you have us standing with you, Linda. Hugs, to you also Dreamwalker.

      Delete
    3. Thank you Linda and you too Chris.. Sometimes it matters not about Distance in miles.. But how close we are in hearts... That is what makes the difference.. Sending LOVE from my heart to yours Linda.. Sending continued love <3

      Delete
    4. That is true Sue. I feel that I became a hermit here in this place...so few have their humanity left. It used to seem odd to feel so close and care about people I have not met but its become perfectly normal to me now. We are after all, really souls.

      Delete
    5. Chris, trully, just no words can convey my gratitude to the two of you.

      Delete
  3. Hi Linda, me again. I hope you're well. :)

    I've tried sending you an email and contacting you through facebook, but no response. I'm hoping you might catch me, with a comment on your blog. I've had technology farts before, where nothing has gotten through to me, from others trying to contact me. So I'm leaving breadcrumbs, everywhere I can, to reach you. Just in case you're having the same issues.

    I hope to hear from you soon. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dropping in on you Linda to send you some love and hugs my friend.. You were on my mind this morning, So just to let you know you are being thought about.. I see Chris too is sending huge hugs your way..
    Know you are never alone my friend..
    Love and Light and Mega hugs.. And you are in my heart and prayers.. And yes to your last comment, all that we need to remember is that we are eternal beings of light who have come to Earth for this brief moment in time to experience in the body..
    LOVE... Sue 💖🙏💖

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Its great to hear from you.

Popular Posts