Remember Me?
Well, as is usual for me, anytime I try to get seriously creative, things start to demand my attention. I am not unhappy over this, but I am thoroughly exhausted. My husband has taken a turn for the worst and has had a great deal of fog and confusion issues. In the past, this made him non- co operative but mercifully, he complied with my demand he go to the emergency room. He was half co herant and then his other half had tried to put out a grass fire single handedly, thought his reflection in the mirroe was me, could not work taps for water or turn off the stove burners.
I cannot wait for his transplant. All of this will go away. I’m just trying to arrange things, pack a bag, find care for Molly.....our dog. My son can drive 10 hours to get her but thats unfair for him. Our daughter has decided to act out now.....sigh....
Erased!
Did you know that estrangement is a trend among adult children? They dont lime you, they want to erase you. So most just cut you off. Other trends.....narcissistic adult children calling their parents narcissists. Infact narcissism itself is “cool” among the entitled.
Sadly, as much as I have had patience, tried love and tolerance, my daughter just cannot contain her rage against anything I say. I wrote a list once.... gardening, politics, religion, a friend of hers who keeps in touch with me, her fathers condition, my cancer, the stages of grief, racism, current events in general. If google said it, its real, if I said it its wrong. The sky is not blue. I should be ashamed of myself! She then passed on the right to disrespect me to her boyfriend, who apparently was spying on me for her.
I feel very saddened. But it is what it is. We are in no contact. I have been tracking her behavior towards me with my counseler for nearly a year. A few months ago, she and her b.f. trapped me in the kitchen so they could scream at me. When I told them a month ago that I didnt feel safe with them, they were angered and insulted. I brought the kitchen incident up. They exchanged glances and knowing smiles. He then said, “ You deserved it. You dont get to have the last word and leave the room.” She was nodding at him, egging him on. I thought it was creepy that they had obviously discussed it . they must of been afraid that I’d press charges. What a stupid alibi!
In honesty, I think its a blessing in disguise. I’m working on healing. I’ve come to understand why I have such a hard time with difficult people. I’m an empath. Ta- da! I knew that but shut it off a long time ago...or so I thought. I am disempowered for sure but an empath just the same.
In better news...my son has been more understanding. And my tumor markers are going down. Odd. Maybe tears and stress and being hated by a child I worshippped was a sort if catalyst. I always thought my cancer was about the energy of hatred from others......
Art
Well, I tried to make a light blog. God does not want that from me. My journey in the real world is not light. I carry the universe on my shoulders. Alone. How can I be “light”?
I sure hope everybody out there is ok. I am sorry to be away. It feels good to write.
I do eek out art, sewing, etc. Slowly. But my production will never keep up with a blog. So I’m just going for being real instead.
Have a great day .
I cannot wait for his transplant. All of this will go away. I’m just trying to arrange things, pack a bag, find care for Molly.....our dog. My son can drive 10 hours to get her but thats unfair for him. Our daughter has decided to act out now.....sigh....
Erased!
Did you know that estrangement is a trend among adult children? They dont lime you, they want to erase you. So most just cut you off. Other trends.....narcissistic adult children calling their parents narcissists. Infact narcissism itself is “cool” among the entitled.
Sadly, as much as I have had patience, tried love and tolerance, my daughter just cannot contain her rage against anything I say. I wrote a list once.... gardening, politics, religion, a friend of hers who keeps in touch with me, her fathers condition, my cancer, the stages of grief, racism, current events in general. If google said it, its real, if I said it its wrong. The sky is not blue. I should be ashamed of myself! She then passed on the right to disrespect me to her boyfriend, who apparently was spying on me for her.
I feel very saddened. But it is what it is. We are in no contact. I have been tracking her behavior towards me with my counseler for nearly a year. A few months ago, she and her b.f. trapped me in the kitchen so they could scream at me. When I told them a month ago that I didnt feel safe with them, they were angered and insulted. I brought the kitchen incident up. They exchanged glances and knowing smiles. He then said, “ You deserved it. You dont get to have the last word and leave the room.” She was nodding at him, egging him on. I thought it was creepy that they had obviously discussed it . they must of been afraid that I’d press charges. What a stupid alibi!
In honesty, I think its a blessing in disguise. I’m working on healing. I’ve come to understand why I have such a hard time with difficult people. I’m an empath. Ta- da! I knew that but shut it off a long time ago...or so I thought. I am disempowered for sure but an empath just the same.
In better news...my son has been more understanding. And my tumor markers are going down. Odd. Maybe tears and stress and being hated by a child I worshippped was a sort if catalyst. I always thought my cancer was about the energy of hatred from others......
Art
Well, I tried to make a light blog. God does not want that from me. My journey in the real world is not light. I carry the universe on my shoulders. Alone. How can I be “light”?
I sure hope everybody out there is ok. I am sorry to be away. It feels good to write.
I do eek out art, sewing, etc. Slowly. But my production will never keep up with a blog. So I’m just going for being real instead.
Have a great day .
I have you on my blog feed, but somehow, I missed this! So much is happening in your parts. I really hope the transplant is uneventful, as well as the recovery. And to have your cancer markers, behaving themselves, well, that IS good news. But the latter is hard. My mother always told me, kids rebel, when they're ready to leave home and be on their own - as a way of explaining my older sister's behaviour. I didn't believe her, until it hit me.
ReplyDeleteIt helped knowing, there was this point in our relationship, where our dependency needed to change. She could distance herself more, and I could stop thinking, I had to push her away to claim my own territory. Whatever is happening with Jasmine, just know that "some" of it, is completely natural. It's a signal for both of you, to take care of your own needs, as a priority. Involving others though (like a boyfriend) won't actually secure what Jasmine actually needs. She needs to believe in herself. Which cannot come from others.
I encourage you, to believe in yourself too. Things will get in our way, and challenge us. Feelings will arise that will confuse, and possibly hurt us. But know "some" of ALL that, is completely normal, and not meant to be personal. The parts which are vindictive, or seem malicious, we cannot control those. It's better to keep our own thoughts clear, and free from deceptions. So we can continue to be the people we were meant to be. Other people's beliefs and processes, can distract us, from our own.
Know that you haven't lost a daughter, however. You merely set her up, to be her own person. You've done an excellent job, on that front. But she's going to make a lot of mistakes, learning who that person is meant to be. Trust in yourself, even though she may stumble, in her relationship with you. And there will always be time for art. I've spent a good 30 years, getting back to mine, lol. Take care my friend. You're in my prayers.
I wish I could see the positives in thsi. The only thing I can say is that for a year or so, I have walked on eggshells around her. At Christmas, he began to show hostility....I was trying to tell a joke that started off seriously...”You’d better watch it Jasmine....” He put his cell phone down angrily and was ready to get up and do ao ething ( imagine what that might be)....I continued anyway....”because if you are not careful I will cross stitch and frame corny quotes for your apartment.” I think she was on my wavelength that time but she had her body guard ready to do what to me exactly? He had been glaring at me and making intimidating gestures toward me for awhile by then. I told my daughter and she said, “if you werent so negative...” and I talked to him about something else, more physical and he said, “ you deserved it.” to which she agreed. Every visit this last year
DeleteThis is not independence. She has that. She lives with him, works, keeps her distance. She did send me flowers on Mothers Day but the ugliness of what they have done to me and would have continued to do had I not stood my ground, is not going to be swept under the carpet. Its not forgiveness , its self protection.
Oh my goodness as if you haven't had enough to deal with you have the antics of your daughter to contend with. Children never fail to amaze me in their perceptions of parents, And their lack of respect or lack of affection.. I have seen this scenario play out many times within their relationships.
ReplyDeleteNo wonder through all you have been subjected to emotionally throughout your life that it has manifested as it has in your illnesses ..
I am really sorry that your daughter feels this way, but I am at the same time pleased to see that your Son has come around and is now on better terms..
So sorry to hear your hubby has got worse, and I so hope that all goes well with future plans for his health and wellness. And all gets sorted out with your dog being taken care of. Such a lot to organise and no worries about being absent.. LIFE and LIVING come first..
We have been away in Scotland for a time.. and I am just getting back into blog land, just.. The garden is my priority at the moment..
Sending continued well wishes Linda, and healing thoughts to you both.. and really good news about your tumour markers going down..
Know that you have done your best with your daughter and that she is an adult to make her own way, mistakes and all.. And her own anger is something she will have to learn to live with and control. Its hard, when we who are empathic feel so deeply, but there has to come a time when we shed our emotional burden to understand each has to be responsible for their own actions. And it is perhaps time to let go of some of yours, as your daughter is a responsible adult.
Letting go of such emotions may well be a catalyst in your healing journey Linda..
Love and Blessings my friend. Healing vibes are being sent your way..
Love Sue <3
Hi Sue, I am so glad you went on another holiday! And I am sure your garden is going to take a lot of time. I hope its warming up finally for you. We are hitting a heatwave but just two days ago, we were shivering under blankets. Its been odd.
DeleteI do think this terrible situation is a catalyst. I hope it is for her too but I am focusing only on me and Garry for now. I have decided that both kids are adults and I can afford to remove myself from them as their mother. What remains is me. No more petulant childish verbal abuse because its safe ...they are not teens anymore either. Like me or lump it.
The daughter I think , tried pulling her brother away too. I sense that it triggered him though he is still in communications.
My children were lucky to have me. I understand now as I am educating myself about these matters that theres something in the family lines...mental disorders...that not everybody escapes.
We were so worried about our son, we missed an onset of something deeply seriously amiss with daughter though son saw it. Its the b.f.. We think he and his mother have been very instramental in this change though as you said, she is an adult. They might have triggered something as they both are deeply disturbed. I used to think he had some potential but I see him for what he is now. Passive aggressive and two faced. His mother literally declared war on us three years ago because we sent a thank you gift for her taking care og our daughter during college. Thats the influence.
Somebody poisoned my daughter. We were close until she met him. It just kept getting worse.
Sorry to hear about how your daughter has allowed herself to be influenced.. Its so hard, and I feel for you. Let us hope she sees sense, and comes to understand. There is a lot of Narcissism around in people. And we do not always see it.
ReplyDeleteKnow I am thinking of you all, and sending continued love and healing vibes over the Pond..
Love and Blessings.. 💙
Thanks Sue. We have reunited for her dads sake but its hard being around her for me. We do better with casual texting and that is where I will leave it for now. If thats all I can expect then I have to accept it. Thank you for all that love and healing Sue. And I send some back your way too.
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